Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. (Ephesians 6:10-20)
I had to live in the little-ease. To be sure, you are not familiar with that dungeon cell that was called the little-ease in the Middle Ages. In general, one was forgotten there for life. That cell was distinguished from others by ingenious dimensions. It was not high enough to stand up in nor yet wide enough to lie down in. One had to take on an awkward manner and live on the diagonal; sleep was a collapse, and waking a squatting. Mon cher, there was genius—and I am weighing my words—in that so simple invention. Every day through the unchanging restriction that stiffened his body, the condemned man learned that he was guilty and that innocence consists in stretching joyously. Can you imagine in that cell a frequenter of summits and upper decks? What? One could live in those cells and still be innocent?(Albert Camus, The Fall)
They say there are some fates worse than death.
From the time my sister and I became targets of a cartel with corrupt law enforcement officers on their payroll, I lost most of my friends. A couple of years ago, I was speaking to one of the few friends I have left, and I was explaining to him that the evidence I was compiling strongly suggested that one of the ways that Ithziia and her coconspirators were attempting to kill me was by trying to get me to kill myself. I added that even though their tactics were very effective, knowing what they were trying to get me to do was one of the principal reasons that I had not jumped from the burning building that they trapped me in.
I explained to him that their attacks were premeditated, complex, organized, extremely well-planned, and layered. In addition, they were using psychological manipulation tactics, and there were many people involved, some of whom were law enforcement officers. These facts point to who they are by exposing the training they had received to have been able to orchestrate crimes of this complexity, and then have the ability to evade justice after committing those crimes.
Furthermore, any one of their various assaults or poisonings could have killed me. However, later, as a consequence of not dying from the initial assaults, I discovered that they were planning an even slower and more painful death for me. A death that would make me suffer as much as possible before I finally succumbed. A modern-day “little-ease.” The effort some people put into devising ways to hurt, torture, and kill other human beings never ceases to amaze.
Like myself, the friend I was having the conversation with identifies as Christian. Considering our faith, he told me he was happy that Ithziia and her coconspirators were not successful in their attempt to kill me by torturing me to the point that I took my own life, because suicide is a mortal sin. He and I discussed this point more deeply because the lens through which his faith is focused is much more orthodox than mine. I told him I did not agree with him in all situations. I brought up the people who jumped from the World Trade Center on 9/11 to avoid being burned alive by the fires that blocked their ability to escape or be rescued. A “little-ease” they were forced into.
Die in the fire, or have faith in God and jump?
Do you remember this photograph?
Can you imagine, for just a minute, what it must have been like to be trapped in one of those buildings as the flames and smoke closed in on you? Feeling the fire getting hotter as it got closer, the walls closing in as the smoke filled the room, slowly suffocating you with each breath; looking for something to break the window, and after finally getting the window open, experiencing a small reprieve from drowning in smoke, while staring down at the concrete 85 stories below. I think about how difficult making that decision to jump was—knowing your decision would be the last you’d ever make. I promise you that if you had not believed in God before that moment, you would have been praying to God as you looked down to the ground 1000 feet below.
Slowly burn to death, or have faith in God and jump?
How close was the fire when the hope of escaping or being saved by someone was finally lost and the only calculation left was how much more pain and suffering could be endured?
Have faith in God and jump!
I heard someone say once that God will not walk you to what God will not walk you through. The question I presented to my friend was this: “Did the falling man kill himself or did the terrorists who attacked the building where he resided murder him by forcing him to make a choice between suffering inconceivably by staying to die in the fire or taking that leap of faith to die from the fall?”
Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple. (1 Corinthians 3:16)